


What You Thought Was Worth the Outcome

by EthelPhantom



Series: Worth the Suffering [4]
Category: Code Geass
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, Forgiveness, Gen, Happy, Light Angst, M/M, Nunnally finds her happiness again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 17:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18721375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthelPhantom/pseuds/EthelPhantom
Summary: As an empress known by all the world, Nunnally is prepared to just about everything, but there are some things she didn't expect to see — things such as this.(Also known as, 14 years into her reign Nunnally gets a surprise.)





	What You Thought Was Worth the Outcome

**Author's Note:**

> So I finished rewriting this earlier than I thought. Oh well, I guess you'll get another update for this series within quite a short period of time. 
> 
> I've actually been waiting to write this for quite a long time and I'm excited to give you something from Nunnally's point of view for a change. She's one of my favourite characters and surprisingly much like me, so I actually feel very comfortable writing her. 
> 
> Also, I don't really have new ideas for this series but I do want to keep writing for it, so if any of you have any kind of ideas or prompts for me, feel free to tell me. 
> 
> I also tend to abuse the use of italics, but I guess you'll survive. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Nunnally vi Britannia was, by no means, a little, helpless girl who was nothing but kind, and who was capable of only loving and nothing else ever. She was not an angel either. She wasn’t even as happy of a person as people made her out to be. While most kept thinking so, none of those things were true — they were not even loosely based on reality, they were merely the façade she put up for the world to see.

(Just like her brother, she chose what part of her the world could see of her, and everything else she kept hidden behind beautiful purple eyes and an unreadable expression. The only difference was that they showed the world the opposite things and kept hidden the opposite things of themselves.)

Okay, so sure she was in a wheelchair and couldn’t walk on her own, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t make her helpless, nor did it make her weak. She held herself with pride, she was confident and a great speaker, and she didn’t mind not being able to walk (most of the time at least, that is). She was used to not being able to walk by now — after all, she’d been paralysed for twenty-three years already.

She was also the Empress of the Holy Britannian Empire and held the reins over the entire empire (it was still an empire because not all the areas had wanted to leave since Britannia now helped them grow and let them be autonomous regions) tightly in her hands. And, it didn’t look like she was going to let go of them anytime soon. She kept her siblings out of politics as much as she could, too, because she knew what they would do were they given free hands to do whatever they wanted in Britannia.

Yeah, she was indeed one of the greatest rulers Britannia had ever seen — after all, she was only twenty-nine years old and yet she had already managed to keep Britannia working towards peace after her brother had completely destroyed and it was on the brink of falling into ruins because of everything her brother had left behind him for all of those fourteen long years, all alone.

(Fine, for the first three years of her reign Cornelia and Schneizel had helped her to manage things in Britannia, but even then in only some things. Nunnally had come to the decision that neither of her older siblings was qualified to lead Britannia. She had decided she would let no one who hated her brother and worked in the military or was manipulative lead an empire such as Britannia because then they might have destroyed the peaceful world her brother had sacrificed and given up his life for.)

And for twelve of those fourteen years, she had had a friend constantly next to her who knew about her brother and his sacrifice. Kururugi Suzaku, the one her brother had considered his first true friend, the one she knew for sure had been — if he still wasn’t — in love with her dead brother, the one who had eventually _killed_ her brother.

She had held a grudge against him for quite some time, but upon seeing the soft, smiling expression full of _love_ on her brother’s face as Suzaku had killed him, she had to forgive him. Her brother would have never wanted her to hate him, no matter what he had done. Even she had to admit that if she were to hate one of them, she should hate Lelouch because he was the worse one out of the two of them. But, hate is an irrational thing and considering she had now come to somewhat despise the world that had taken Lelouch away from her somewhere deep within, it was also illogical.

And so she began watching over Suzaku because no one else was no longer there to do that either. Someone had to because her brother wasn’t there to tell Suzaku to take care of himself and do basic human necessities and activities like remember to eat and sleep. _Someone had to do it because her brother was no longer there._

_Because Lelouch was—_

There was nothing she could do about it now. He wasn’t there. He was dead and she couldn’t resurrect him. That was impossible. She was aware of it. Damnit, she _knew_ he was not there anymore. She couldn’t go back, she couldn’t turn back the time and change the past. She couldn’t save him herself.

And so all of a sudden she began seeing the way Suzaku tensed whenever someone (who knew _nothing_ about her brother) spoke terribly about her brother, how his grip on whatever he was holding visibly tightened whenever they saw his and Nunnally’s old acquaintances who all seemed to nowadays hate Zero. How he had come to hate the colours red (it reminded him of the blood on Lelouch’s clothing) and purple (which was both the colour of Lelouch’s eyes and the suit of Zero). Suzaku couldn’t even look her in the eyes — although that probably had something to do with other things as well. And most of all she saw and knew how much Suzaku _hated_ every single one of Zero’s Days. He might have hated them more than Nunnally did.

And then after ten years, she had given him a holiday of two weeks when he finally asked for one. She had never given him one before because he seemed to need to work constantly to forget about his nonexistent will to live (he had never explicitly told her he wanted to die, but she knew. She had known for a long time), and because every time she tried to even suggest he took — god forbid — one day off, he straight out refused to do it. That was, unless she specifically ordered him to go rest because he clearly hadn’t slept in three or more days for even a minute.

Nunnally really couldn’t understand how he was alive, or at least until she saw his face again ten years after his brother’s death.

It took her another two years before she realised that he had begun taking holidays more frequently and always came back refreshed and much happier, and if he spent three months without taking at least a few days off completely, he became miserable again.

That’s when she decided he had suffered long enough and enough much, and that it was time for him to be happy again. If she could finally start finding her way to happiness now, then in her opinion Suzaku could as well. And that was precisely why Nunnally then found herself buying a house near the ruins of the old Pendragon for Suzaku. He deserved the retirement, 12 years was, in her opinion, a punishment grave enough. She simply informed him this was how it went now and that he had no say in whether he wanted to retire because she would make him take it easy now.

And that’s where they were now. Suzaku was no longer constantly by her side because she had told him he needed to take care of himself. It had taken a lot of convincing, but because she had decided she wasn’t going to lose the argument, she didn’t. She had reminded him that the peace was doing perfectly well and was going nowhere from them, so it was okay.

Nunnally had told Suzaku to message her if she needed anything, for example, a friend to talk to. But, even then he usually only asked her how she was doing, never really anything else, and her best guess was that he didn’t want to bother her, despite her telling him over and over that she too wanted to talk with him, and he wasn’t bothering her if he sent her messages. She did the same to him every once in a while, although she wasn’t always sure she got an honest answer, and they had even seen each other a few times during these past two years.

But, it wasn’t enough. Aside from the legacy the rest of the people didn’t see or understand, Suzaku was all Nunnally had left from her brother, and he was also a friend of hers. She found herself missing Suzaku now that she never really saw him. That might have been the reason she asked Jeremiah to fly her to the outskirts of the destroyed Pendragon (after Gino had refused to because he mistrusted Zero), planning on making a surprise visit to her friend. She had the keys to the house, so it wasn’t like it was hard to get in or anything.

Nunnally wheeled towards the small house she had gifted Suzaku. She hadn’t actually ever been there despite knowing she could technically go there at any given time if she wanted to — Suzaku and Nunnally often met at the palace, or at one of its many enchanting and beautiful gardens.

She was surprised to find there were flowers planted in front of the house, making it look much cuter and home-like. It puzzled and confused her. Suzaku didn’t really like gardening, now did he? Or at least so she recalled. He could do it if necessary and he didn’t hate it, but she didn’t think he would do it voluntarily or willingly if he was given a choice. It seemed even less likely that he would do it just because he could, seeing as he wasn’t helping anyone by doing it. The oddest thing out of it was that a lot (possibly most) of the flowers lilac, a shade of purple, and she knew he despised purple. Soon she realised the flowers were heliotropes in many shades of purple.

As she got closer to the house, she realised the windows had also only recently been cleaned because they were clear and sunlight reflected on them beautifully. If she was correct — and she often was when it came to things like this —, cleaning in general wasn’t something he really enjoyed, so she had no idea what was happening. It really did confuse her.

Upon arriving at the door, Nunnally knocked. While she indeed could have just opened the door, she thought it more polite to announce her arrival and give him time to dress up if he hadn’t already done that for some unknown reason. She waited for a while, but when no one came to open the door, she looked through her small bag to find the keys she had taken with her. Nunnally was sure Suzaku was home because he didn’t really leave the place and she had heard someone walking — or running? Probably running and crashing into a wall — in the house, so either Suzaku hadn’t heard her knocking, or he deliberately decided not to open the door. They had fallen to the bottom of the bag so it took her a while to find them, but that was fine. She was in no hurry, after all.

She pushed the key to the silvery keyhole and unlocked the door. Yeah, she was even more sure he was home, there were many shoes organised to a row in the porch, jackets all hanging neatly on the hangers. Pretty much everything looked like someone had only recently (within the past few days, actually) done a spring-cleaning — despite it being July already.

Oh yeah, that was partly her reason to come. Suzaku’s birthday had been a few days ago, and she wanted to come by to congratulate him and give him a gift. That, and she wanted to spend some time with him.

But then when she got inside the actual house, everything seemed odd and out of place — although not literally, because everything was so neatly organised. She had a feeling something was very, very wrong, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

Actually, yes, she could.

There was a lot that was strange about the place.

First of all, the entire living room — and likely the kitchen, too — smelled like paella. Seafood paella to be exact. Nunnally knew Suzaku was not a good cook and mostly knew how to slice vegetables when told how to do it, while this smelled amazing, as though made by an excellent and skilled cook. Personally, she loved the food, probably more than any other food, but she was not the only one she knew who loved it. The other one was her brother… and this smelled exactly like something he used to cook.

She could remember perfectly well how she used to sit in the kitchen talking with Lelouch about anything and everything while he prepared the vegetables, slowly building up the whole dish. It always tasted perfect, but never quite the same. Lelouch had kept finding more and better ways to make it, asking Nunnally what he could do to better the food.

(She always thought it was perfect until he made a new version as Lelouch somehow managed to keep bettering it.)

And this smelled like one of those.

Second of all, the place looked like Suzaku wasn’t the only one living there and that couldn’t be right. He should live alone, considering he was Zero and no one but her and Kallen for sure knew his identity, shouldn’t he?

There were books scattered on the coffee table, books and papers organised neatly in the shelves in what seemed to be alphabetical order, and she had earlier noted the amount of clothing in the porch was more than only one person would use — especially when the one person was someone like Suzaku who tended not to use many different pieces of clothing and didn’t much spend time outside. Knowing Suzaku, there were far too many clothes in the porch for him alone.

“Ah, hi Nunnally. I wasn’t expecting you”, Suzaku said, walking down from upstairs, his hair more disheveled than it usually was. He rubbed the back of his neck. Suzaku walked to Nunnally and smiled, looking like he was waiting for her to express whether she wanted a hug. It was still so weird to see him be so casual without Zero’s mask. She was glad he had given up on it.

“I’m not surprised you weren’t. It’s called a surprise visit for a reason. Your birthday was a few days ago, wasn’t it? I wanted to come by to congratulate you in person since I forgot earlier, and I also wanted to bring you a present. You turned thirty-two, didn’t you? Happy belated birthday!”, she smiled and handed him a box of chocolates. Suzaku took it and went to place it on the coffee table before returning to her.

“Thank you, Nunnally. You really didn’t have to.”

“No, of course I didn’t, but I wanted to. You are my friend, after all”, she said still smiling. She spread her arms to hug her friend, waiting for him to do it since she couldn’t really get up or go too close to him herself — she was kind of afraid of running over his toes with her wheelchair.

He bent over a bit to hug her. Nunnally didn’t let go even though she was talking to him again. “By the way, have you learnt how to cook? The food smells absolutely delicious. It’s seafood paella, isn’t it?”

Nunnally felt Suzaku tense in the hug, and suddenly he seemed very anxious about something. He didn’t really touch her much and his body language almost screamed how uncertain he was about hugging her.

“Yeah— yeah, it’s seafood paella. How could you tell?”, he asked as he straightened up again. Nunnally could have sworn she saw Suzaku swallow and bite his lip.

“Oh, it’s just that I can still remember how big brother used to cook paella a lot when we were still at Ashford Academy — and I could almost swear he sent someone to bring it to me once during the time he had me imprisoned in his last months of reigning. I’m also certain I refused to eat it for quite the while. It was probably cold by the time I finally ate it. I guess it didn’t make him happy since I’m pretty sure he made it himself, just for me.”

Suzaku laughed nervously and looked down. Nunnally noted how Suzaku’s hands went behind his back, slowly but surely, and began fidgeting, and how every time she tried to look at him in the eye, he turned to look away. It was like he was avoiding her eyes at all costs.

Yeah, everything about his body language definitely screamed nervousness right now. That was the third thing too strange about all this. He wasn’t usually like this around her. He looked too much like he was hiding something from her (again), and she really did not like it at all. She hated it when people tried to keep secrets from her for any reason. She had had enough of surprises and lies fourteen years ago when both Suzaku and Lelouch continued to lie to her of just about everything. He must have done something he knew she wouldn’t approve of. What that something was, she didn’t know. Yet. But whatever it was, Suzaku looked nervous — and he was almost never nervous around her— , and it bothered Nunnally.

_He looked too nervous to be innocent._

“And you’ve done such a great job at cleaning up this place. It’s like someone else did it for you, because I can’t remember you enjoying cleaning”, she said, suspecting the whatever he was hiding was nothing all that small, and she tried to get him to either confess or let out one too many things so that she could simply make her own conclusions about it.

“Err… thank you, Nunnally. I’m taking that as a compliment. Say, are you going to leave now, or do you want me to help you put your jacket to the closet? I guess it’s a little too high for you to reach it”, he said, lips in a tight smile.

“Oh, that’s so very kind of you! I was planning on staying at least for a while if it’s not too much of a bother to you since I have nothing else to do today”, she replied and tilted her head, smiling sweetly. Nunnally did not, in fact, care if she was bothering him right now. She really needed to find out what about all this was so suspicious.

Nunnally took off her magenta jacket and handed it to Suzaku. The boy (no, seriously, comparing his and Nunnally’s physical ages, he really was a boy, he looked merely eighteen) took it and hung it on the clothing rack.

“Are you hungry?”, Suzaku asked as he returned to Nunnally’s side. “I could bring you some food.”

“Thank you, I’d like to eat.” Her answer might have had something to do with the fact she wanted to know if the food also tasted the same as the one she had used to eat with her brother.

Nunnally followed Suzaku to the kitchen, stopping only on the kitchen door next to a kitchen counter. The first thing she noted was that the kitchen looked like something someone who loved cooking would design, and although Nunnally had had a hand in how the place looked like, she also knew Suzaku didn’t enjoy spending time in the kitchen very much. That was why she wouldn’t have had the kitchen built like this. It was modern, had a ton of the finest equipment that didn’t seem to be something a beginner would choose, and even the colour coordination of the room had been carefully picked, pure white with black, silver, and light purple. Seriously, what was with the purple, didn’t Suzaku despise the colour?

She watched as Suzaku piled food on a plate, glancing at her every once in a while. Nunnally wasn’t sure whether he was checking when she thought it was enough, or if he was, in fact, scared of her finding something. Then he placed the plate on another counter as he began searching for cutlery. It honestly looked like he had no idea where they were supposed to be because it took Suzaku several minutes to find them.

“Here. Want something to drink? We’ve got— There’s milk, juice, a few kinds of soft drinks, and, of course, water that I can give you. Oh, and coffee, as well as tea, if you want to, but those take a while to make.”

Nunnally noted how Suzaku had said ‘we’ but never continued the sentence, instead changing it completely. It could have been just a coincidence, but after everything else, she really didn’t think so. She was most certain now that he _was_ hiding something from her.

“I’d like some water, please.”

As Suzaku brought her a glass of water, she noticed a paper from the corner of her eye lying on the table. Nunnally turned her head to see if she could read what it said, but when Suzaku saw that, he without missing a beat set the glass in front of her and (possibly without thinking) thrust the paper in some drawer, out of her sight. Only when he looked at Nunnally again did he realise his mistake. If she hadn’t already been convinced that Suzaku was being far too secretive and suspicious for someone who had done nothing to make her, the Empress of the Holy Britannian Empire and Suzaku’s friend, doubtful of his actions, now she most certainly was.

Nunnally put a spoonful of the paella in her mouth — and while it was delicious, it tasted _far too familiar_ to her liking. This was most definitely not made by Suzaku, she was sure of that, and since it tasted homemade (it also looked homemade — it was in a pan and there were many, many chopping boards and bowls and other stuff needed to make it scattered around the kitchen), all she could think of was that he was hiding not something, but _someone_ from her, and that was so much worse.

Sighing, Nunnally set her plate aside on the counter next to her and looked straight at Suzaku. She folded her hands on her lap and took a deep breath before speaking.

“Hey, Suzaku, is there something you would like to tell me?”, she asked, stressing each word as her voice turned colder with every word that left her mouth. She was starting to get angry at her friend and therefore tried to push the underlying suspicions she had of who it was he was hiding from her aside for now.

_Because after all, it couldn’t be—_

“N-no?”

“ _No_?”

“...No.”

“Are you quite the sure you want to lie to me, again, after we agreed that you wouldn’t lie to me after the whole mess that was me not knowing how my brother was doing which then led to me being let to think that my brother was a demon?”

“What do you mean, lie to you? I haven’t lied to you since that day.”

“Don’t play stupid when you aren’t. I mean, I am one hundred percent positive you’re hiding something, or rather, _someone_ from me, and now you’re refusing to tell me what’s with you and your behaviour today. You’ve been acting awfully suspicious the entire time I’ve been here, this place looks like you aren’t the only one living here, and also, I don’t believe for a second you know how to cook paella like this. I know for a certain you managed to burn instant noodles only two or so years ago, as well as figuratively blew up the kitchen four years ago — which, I have to remind you, were neither something that only rarely occurred —, both in the palace so I have footage of those occasions, there’s no way you’d learn how to cook such perfect food in only two years. It took big brother, who was an _excellent_ cook, years to perfect this specific dish. Not only that, but I am also aware you don’t enjoy gardening or cleaning, and yet everything looks like someone takes care of both weekly, if not daily. So, I’ll ask you again, do you have something you need to tell me, Kururugi Suzaku?”

Suzaku looked very difficult as his hands began fidgeting again. He was trying to avoid Nunnally’s eyes, not even subtly anymore, and pretty much stood frozen in place.

“Suzaku!”, she yelled, startling Suzaku.

“I’m sorry, Nunnally, I—”

All of a sudden they heard a loud crash from upstairs, as though something fragile like porcelain shattered.

“Shit, that must have been Palamedes. I’m sorry, I think he pushed yet another vase down and might hurt himself. I need to go check on him and clean up the mess. I’ll be back in a second”, Suzaku said and rushed to the staircase.

“Palamedes?”, Nunnally called after him.

“That would be my cat”, Suzaku replied, not once slowing down or looking back at Nunnally.

Suzaku ran upstairs, Nunnally’s eyes following him until he disappeared from her sight. She heard him scold (and curse at) the supposed cat which made her chuckle despite her anger. When she heard something like porcelain clink against itself, she supposed Suzaku was cleaning and picking up pieces of what he had guessed was a broken vase. Nunnally distantly wondered how many vases the cat had already shattered. Then she heard a door creak as it was opened and close, and it became awfully quiet. It took a few minutes before she could finally hear someone come back downstairs and saw Suzaku carrying a grey cat in his arms.

“Is this the Palamedes you mentioned?”, Nunnally asked as the cat hopped down from Suzaku’s arms and walked to her. She stretched her hands out for the cat if he wanted to come to her lap, and he did, after rubbing his head on her legs.

“Oh, he likes you. Anyway, yeah, he is. He’s kind of really keen on pushing all of our fragile and breakable stuff down, thus causing them to break.”

“Our?”

She heard a stair creak under someone’s feet as said someone walked the stairs down. She glanced at the stairway and then at Suzaku, realising he had tensed up, looking like he was afraid of whatever was going to happen in the next few seconds. Nunnally was sure he wasn’t scared of whomever it was coming down since she knew for a fact he would have protected her nonetheless, and would already be standing in front of her in guard just in case something bad would happen to her, but he just stood frozen a few metres from her. Nunnally noted that he was staring blankly at the stairway, looking like he was worried and concerned, and very much so, too.

The first thing she noticed about the person coming down was that they were slim, and tall, maybe around Suzaku’s height.

The second thing she saw was their black, sleek, silky-looking hair.

The third thing that she noted was that they had purple eyes, much darker and more vibrant than hers.

The fourth thing she realised was that they were young and looked exactly the same age as Suzaku did.

The fifth thing was—

“Big— Big brother?!”, Nunnally choked in disbelief, face twisting with sadness, hurt and agony. Without thinking, she reached her hand out towards her brother, hoping she could touch her and be convinced he was indeed there and not merely an illusion born from her imagination alone.

Lelouch walked towards her, seeming unsure whether he should be doing so, or if he should, in fact, do the complete opposite. He kneeled next to her as he always did — she had always felt like he did it because he wanted to show he wasn’t superior to her, or above her, but her equal, and that he didn’t want to talk down to her. It had always been refreshing, but now? Now it made tears find their way to the corners of her eyes and burn there, unshed. Lelouch took her hand in his and pressed a light kiss on her fingers. The warmth of his hands was obvious, so clearly there, and it left no doubt in her mind — her brother was indeed there, and what was most important, he was _alive_.

But how? How could he be alive? He had died in her arms! She had cried and screamed for him to come back and he never answered, and she had seen him close his eyes only to never open them again. She had stained her hands in his blood trying to hold him and feel the last hints of the only barely lingering warmth of his body. To let him know she was there and he wasn’t going to die alone. So, how was this possible?

And better yet, _why hadn’t they told her?_

“Hello… Nunnally.” Lelouch’s voice sounded so uncertain, so regretful as he hesitated on whether he should speak, as his voice trembled slightly, yet so kind and warm. So… _loving._

“Why? Why are you alive?”, she asked, trying to swallow back her tears. She couldn't cry. She was an empress now and good empresses didn’t cry in front of those that hurt them and lied to them, they didn’t let them have any kind of control or power over them.

She was sure that if feelings could take a form, right now, her feelings would look like a hand because it was like there was an invisible hand around her throat — she felt like she was choking and being strangled. Nunnally hated that feeling with every inch of her being.

“I found out I couldn't die, so I… I changed my plans for Zero Requiem”, he admitted, watching her every move.

Zero Requiem, huh? What a fitting name for the plan she hated with all her heart.

Nunnally yanked her hand away from Lelouch, surprising both him and herself, very likely Suzaku as well. She just wasn’t watching Suzaku’s actions right now. She loved Lelouch, but she was angry. She was angry, but she was also relieved. She was relieved, but also so very sad. Her brother was alive, had been for heaven knew how long, and yet no one had thought to tell her. That wasn’t okay, and she needed to make it clear.

“So that’s what your grand plan to die and leave me alone to grieve is called now?”, she asked, still fighting back her tears. “Why did you never tell me you were alive? I would have been okay with not seeing you if I only had known you were okay and alive nonetheless!”

That statement seemed to take Lelouch by surprise. Had he really not realised she cared for him too much to be able to stand believing he was dead and would never come back, that she cared about him too much to rather have him dead and not being able to see him over knowing he was alive even if she couldn’t meet him? Whichever it was, she still couldn’t see him, so at least she would know he was alive. For all his genius, her brother could sometimes truly be an idiot.

“I thought—”

“You thought _what_? That it would be easy for me to move on, and that I wouldn’t miss you even after over ten years had passed? That I wouldn’t wish you were alive with every inch of my being until existence itself changed forms and time would start running backwards?!”

“I wanted to create your kind and gentle world and make you happy! That’s what you said you wished!”

“ _You_ were all I needed to be happy! _Your presence_ was what made my world kind and gentle!”

Palamedes jumped from her lap and ran upstairs as she finally raised her voice too much, as her voice finally cracked because her tears won the fight she had had with them.

Nunnally couldn’t hold her tears back anymore (why had she tried fighting them back in the first place anyway? This was her brother, the one who had always cared for her so much, she didn’t need to look professional in front of him), and so hot tears began streaming down her face. Nunnally threw herself towards Lelouch, and without even thinking Lelouch opened his arms wide to make sure she wouldn’t hurt herself in the process. He ended up falling down and hitting his head and right elbow, but she experienced no harm. It reminded her of just how much her brother loved her, how he automatically protected her from anything and everything that might hurt her instead of thinking whether it might injure him, no matter the situation. He still did it even though she had just yelled at him and they hadn’t seen each other in fourteen long years.

(It wasn’t like this was the worst thing that had happened between the two of them. It wasn’t like she hadn’t told much worse things at him, like the last thing she had done to him before that fateful day wasn’t to yell horrible things at him, spite him and call him a monster, and that despite all of that, she had still held his love and even heart in her hands just as tightly as before it nevertheless.)

“I’m sorry, little sister. I love you”, Lelouch whispered to her ear and embraced her. Nunnally clung onto him, clutching his shirt in her hands in hopes she would never need to let go again.

Lelouch rocked her in his arms and pressed her head to his chest as she sobbed, probably wetting his shirt with her tears. He rested his chin on her head as he patted her hair, quietly humming her old favourite song to her. It was the one song he had always sung to her when she had trouble sleeping, when she had nightmares of the invasion of Japan or the day their mother was killed and she was paralysed, or when she was feeling too anxious about her paraplegia. The position they were now in was fairly difficult since she was now older and thus bigger than when he had last held her like this (15 years ago, back when she was still fourteen and blind), but that was fine. The important thing was that he was there again. Lelouch was there, and wouldn’t hopefully leave just yet.

“It’s okay, Nunnally, I’m here now”, he kept whispering to her ear, trying to comfort her.

When Nunnally had cried enough, she sat up straight again in Lelouch’s lap and turned to face Suzaku. She wanted to share a piece of her mind with him, too, which was understandable seeing as she was angry at both of them. She was less disappointed in Lelouch now that she’d gotten to yell at him, but she was the most displeased with Suzaku she had ever been.

Okay, fine, no, she had been even less pleased with him back when he had killed Lelouch, but still, that was a whole new level. Nothing could surpass the disappointment she had felt that day.

“And you. Why did _you_ never tell me big brother was alive? You’re apparently living _with_ him, so it seems you’ve known for quite the time. I have a feeling you’ve known for longer than these two years you’ve had this house for, too.”

Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and she came to a realisation she wasn’t sure she wanted to come to, but it made so much sense. “—Oh, so that’s why you always seemed so relaxed after those holidays and so distressed when you weren’t granted them, that’s why you asked for that first holiday in Japan in the first place four years ago. You’ve known my brother is, in fact very much not dead for four years _at the very least_ , and you didn’t tell me? I can, in a way, accept that big brother didn’t tell me since it would be so difficult for him to get to me, but you, you are supposed to be my friend, and you could have come to the palace at _any_ time you wanted! What’s your excuse for not telling me?”

Nunnally felt the slightest bit of satisfaction as she saw Suzaku shift uncomfortably in place. So okay, she cared about him and probably loved him platonically, too, but he should have told her her brother was alive. Being aware that Suzaku had known for years hurt, and she felt utterly betrayed. It was like he didn’t care about her feelings at all.

…

Although she had to admit, he had probably thought he was doing the right thing and protecting her feelings in the fucked up way his mind began working years and years ago.

Yeah, twisted as it was, she knew for a fact that Suzaku and Lelouch both loved her and cared for her wellbeing, and no matter what she said was best for her (and she most often was right about it), Suzaku and Lelouch had their own ideas about it that were rarely even true.

“Well?”, she prompted Suzaku, still sitting in her brother’s lap. Well, where in the world could she have gone when Lelouch hadn’t helped her up yet and she couldn’t do it alone. Her paralysis hadn’t gone anywhere in the past ten minutes.

Suzaku sighed and, still looking very uncomfortable, turned his gaze to the side and then at her before speaking. “We thought it was what was best for you. I’m sorry.”

“You’ve known and lied to me, at the very _least,_ the past _four years_. One ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to make things better. Multiple ‘I’m sorry' s won't make things okay.” The last sentences were aimed at both of them. Nunnally made it clear by first glaring at Suzaku and then shooting a sharp, pointed look at Lelouch.

Suzaku winced and Lelouch looked abashed at her words. That was good. They should definitely feel some remorse over what they had kept hidden from her for years. _Again._ These two seemed to keep thinking that it was okay to lie to her or to not tell her the truth straight away, and even if it wasn’t necessarily okay, it was at least acceptable if they thought it was for her own best. It wasn’t. It never had been. She was capable of handling herself; she didn’t need an over-caring big brother and a fretting friend to make decisions for her — decisions that only she should be allowed to make.

Finally, after a moment of silence, Nunnally heard a sigh from behind her. So, her brother finally decided to speak up. Nunnally turned to look at Lelouch, waiting for him to explain.

“We wanted to keep the unnecessary pain away from you since we weren’t able to keep you away from the pain. I thought that if you were to learn I was alive but you couldn’t ever meet me, it would cause you agony you didn’t deserve to feel — that is, unless you had come to hate me. Then there’s also the fact that the rest of the world could never find out. If the people found out, havoc would break out, it would create chaos and new wars — and I couldn’t let you see that again. I couldn’t let the world see it again. That happening would mean all the lives we had to steal would go in vain, every single cruel and evil thing we did would mean nothing. No one was supposed to know I was alive.”

Nunnally looked helplessly from Lelouch to Suzaku and back a few times. She was confused now. “But… you told Suzaku.”

Suzaku stepped up and walked to them from the doorway of the kitchen where he had been standing. “No. He didn’t tell me, Nunnally. He never intended to tell me. I had to find out on my own, ten years after Zero Requiem because he slipped up and came to see you, me and C.C. to Pendragon. On Zero’s day, in fact, he was there watching the parade. And then, then I had to hunt him down in Japan. You’re right, I asked for that holiday because I knew he was alive and wanted to see him, but it was because I wanted explanations and was angry — no, furious — at him, but I had no idea where in Japan he could be. Actually, I only found him thanks to you and your suggestion to visit the Kururugi shrine since that’s where he was.”

“He— he told no one but C.C.?”

Lelouch shook his head. “It was more like C.C. told me that I literally couldn’t die. I was forced to change my plans at the point of no return, which means I did originally mean to die to save the world. To gift you your gentle, kind world, and to atone for everything I had done. Then when I couldn’t turn back anymore, when we had taken our plans to the point where it couldn’t be undone, then C.C. told me that I couldn’t, in fact, die like I wanted to, and this happened only a month before Zero Requiem. Instead, I decided I would live and isolate myself from everyone I loved to atone and suffer, it was supposed to be my punishment. I guess that didn’t work as it should have, especially as long as it should have, since only ten years later Suzaku ended up finding me.”

Nunnally’s eyes widened, shocked to hear that coming out of her brother’s mouth — but no, it wasn’t surprising in the least. It sounded very much like something he would come up with, possibly something no one but her brother could come up with in that scale. It was so reckless, so well-thought, and so… so sad.

She had always understood her brother so well before, she’d always been the one to understand him even when she couldn’t see and no one else understood what he meant, she had always been able to keep up with how fast Lelouch thought, and yet this was something she hadn’t foreseen. Why hadn’t she foreseen this, too?

No, the explanation for that was clear.

She hadn’t wanted to believe something like that could happen.

She had straight-out _refused_ to believe that even her brother would come up with something so self-sacrificing and purely suicidal.

Yeah, leave it to Lelouch to never fail to create plans she wouldn’t be able to foresee because she refused to believe he could do such things, purely out of his — and it was no less uncomfortable to admit it to herself even after all this time — twisted love. The very same twisted love Nunnally had refused to see in the months preceding Zero Requiem because he couldn’t express it to her to make his plans succeed and because she had let herself be blinded to it by her manipulative older half-siblings (namely Schneizel).

Nunnally felt tears prickling in her eyes again. “Big brother… Why do you keep doing such reckless and self-sacrificing things? Can’t you realise there are people who care about you and want your best around you? Can’t you realise that _I_ care about you and wish you could be happy for once? Milly and Rivalz still refuse to believe you truly turned evil, they too mourned you. And you, you keep trying to make others happy without caring what it does to you. You too, Suzaku. The two of you can be so _stupid_ sometimes.” ****  
** **

“I—” ****  
** **

Nunnally interrupted Lelouch by wrapping her arms around him tightly and hugging him like they wouldn’t live to see the next day. “I’m sorry I didn’t see what you were trying to achieve, not until it was too late and I had already lost you, big brother. I’m sorry I was so blind.” ****  
** **

“Please don’t apologise, little sister. I deserved everything you told me back on Damocles. I didn’t even try to explain anything to you. I don’t deserve to be apologised to.” _I’m glad you understood what I was doing despite everything I let you and the rest of the world see, even if it was far too late by then._ ****  
** **

The last words were left unsaid but Nunnally understood them perfectly well nonetheless. It was like that time he lay in her arms, bleeding out, and she understood everything he wanted to tell her and even more, although now she couldn’t see anything that could be called a vision like back then.  ****  
** **

She turned to look at Suzaku and gestured for him to come closer to them. Suzaku looked confused but complied, and when he reached the vi Britannia siblings, Nunnally grabbed his wrist and brought him down and into the hug as well.  ****  
** **

“You’ve both paid for your sins and redeemed yourselves, at least in my eyes, and a long time ago when you both let go of and gave up your own lives and personal desires for the world. That’s enough. You deserve to be happy, both of you”, Nunnally decided when she finally let go of Suzaku and Lelouch, the two she cared about so much. Her dear friend who had stayed by her side through so many years and never failed to help her even though he was in pain too, and her beloved brother who burnt the world for her and created it into an even better one from the ashes even though it meant giving up his own life. They were both here by her side, _alive_ , and that was all she could ever ask for.  ****  
** **

“But—” ****  
** **

It was funny how Lelouch and Suzaku, every now and then, worked like they were one and the same. For example, now that they both decided to speak up and said the very same thing at the same time in such similar tones, even Nunnally with her great and sharp hearing had trouble distinguishing their voices from one another and realising that instead of only one of them they had both spoken.  ****  
** **

“But nothing. That’s a fact and I’m not letting either of you win in an argument against me about this. It doesn’t justify the atrocities and cruelties you committed, nor does it bring the millions of lives stolen back or make it okay they’re gone, but those things are something no one can take back or fix. They are and always will be there, written down in history for all the world to remember them, and we cannot do anything to change it. What we can do instead is to let go and see that you two have suffered more than enough. The world can never know, that much is for sure, but I’m glad I know. I’m more than glad you’re both alive and here now by my side, at least for a while, and there’s no way around that.  ****  
** **

Suzaku opened his mouth to speak. Nunnally could hear the first syllable of a ‘thank you’ coming out of his mouth, only for her to then interrupt him. Again.  ****  
** **

“But, this doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgiven either of you for hiding this from me for four years. Did you really not learn that lying to me or hiding important things from me isn’t okay from the _last time_ you did it? Remember, that last time it resulted in me hating Suzaku and very strongly disliking big brother for months to come before I learnt what you were trying to achieve, and that happened only after I had already lost big brother for what seemed like forever. _Not okay_ . I still don’t like being lied to.” ****  
** **

She could see the two of them exchange a (guilty and shameful) look and then they were already apologising to her about it. Well, Suzaku was, Lelouch already said sorry and now he looked like he was ready to be stabbed again for not telling the truth right away to Nunnally. It was a look she hated on Lelouch. No surprise there, she just wanted him to be happy, and she’d mostly forgiven him anyway. The important thing was that Lelouch was alive and she knew now, and that overruled the fact she didn’t know an hour ago. Maybe.  ****  
** **

“Mind helping me up? As much as I love hugging you now after having not been able to for so many years, I think everything would be easier if I was in my wheelchair”, Nunnally chuckled. Lelouch seemed to agree because he placed his hands on her sides, just under her armpits and tried to lift her up. He was struggling so much. Lelouch hadn’t apparently taken her growing up into consideration at all, or so it at least very much looked like to Nunnally. Nunnally chuckled as she watched him try and try, seemingly refusing to ask Suzaku for help. No, actually, when Suzaku had tried to help Lelouch had glared at him and well, Suzaku tried no longer. They were slightly too far from her wheelchair for her to help him herself either.  ****  
** **

Lelouch’s continuous attempts did finally bear fruit, though, because after maybe five minutes Nunnally was sitting in her wheelchair, Suzaku was fighting back a smile and likely laugh as well, and Lelouch was leaning to the table with his hands, breathing so heavily it could only be described as panting. Yeah, her brother was still just as athletically challenged as he had always been. Someone had once joked that even Nunnally could run faster than Lelouch despite both her legs being disabled and incapable of using her legs.  ****  
** **

Though, back when she could still run, she had indeed run faster than Lelouch, always leaving him behind to worry about her. Every single time, in fact. Even the one-and-half-years-old Nunnally who had only recently learnt to run could outrun her 3 years older big brother. It was amusing to think about it now even if it did leave her a little sad remembering that yeah, she could indeed never run again. Oh well. It didn’t matter anymore.  ****  
** **

The three of them talked and reminisced for hours ( “You know, I always hated celebrating Christmas.” “Then why did you sneak us food and gifts for Christmas anyway, Suzaku?” “Because it made you two happy.” / “Remember when Lelouch nearly fell from the roof, I saved him and you gave us both a kiss for finding Arthur?” “Milly told me you looked downright terrified at the thought of losing big brother.” “Well, I was! I had just found him again, I didn’t want to be the reason he died then.” “...I fell on purpose, I knew you’d catch me. I didn’t want you to find the Zero’s mask Arthur stole.” “What the actual everloving fuck, Lelouch?!” / “How about when the two of you refused to believe you were in love and ended up fighting against each other on the battlefield? Yeah, I thought it was bullshit, too, I could see the way you looked at each other.” “You were blind, Nunnally!” “So? Even a blind could see how badly you were pining for each other.” ) until it was late evening and Nunnally had to leave. She had to go back to the palace so that Gino, who was nowadays her personal knight along with Anya, wouldn’t get too worried. He didn’t like or trust Zero very much although Kallen told him off every single time they spoke about Zero, reminding him that Nunnally liked Zero and Gino should trust her judgement of the man.  ****  
** **

So, of course, when she had told him she was going to visit Zero, Gino wasn’t happy about it at all. She didn’t care though, because she had already made up her mind. He couldn’t stop her or come with her either, that she had already made clear to even him enough many times.  ****  
** **

“I’ll come by again when I have time, I want to see you again”, Nunnally said as Lelouch helped her put her jacket on (it wasn’t like she needed the help, he just really wanted to do it even though he wouldn’t have admitted to it if asked. She knew anyway).  ****  
** **

“I’d love to see you again, too. It was nice being able to talk with you once again”, he said and kissed her forehead.  ****  
** **

Nunnally pulled Lelouch into a hug, not really wanting to let go even though she knew it wasn’t goodbye, not this time. “I’m so glad you’re alive, big brother”, she whispered, knowing the tears she refused to shed were audible in her voice. So sure, she was a great actor and could have easily masked that, but she couldn’t bother to do it, not in front of the one she knew loved her more than the world. ****  
** **

Lelouch glanced up, looking at the sky that showed no signs of darkening. “You know, little sister, despite being absent from your side for over a decade, I was always watching over you. I was never too far from you.” ****  
** **

Nunnally turned her eyes at her brother, eyes widening slightly before a smile spread on her lips. She reached to grab his hand, holding it tightly, and he squeezed her hand back.  ****  
** **

Oh, she was truly glad he was alive, and even if she couldn’t see him often — or most of the time — at least now she could rest assured he was still there, that he was still looking out for her.  ****  
** **

Then an entertaining thought crossed her mind. She really needed to say it to Lelouch, if only for her amusement as she knew Lelouch would blush and get all embarrassed about it. Nunnally still enjoyed teasing Lelouch in her own, soft, yet very effective way. ****  
** **

“Big brother, you know, as an empress I have now the authority and permission to wed people.”

“...Where are you going with this, Nunnally?” ****  
** **

Nunnally kept a smile from appearing on her face and shrugged. “Just that, if you ever want to marry Suzaku, steal his phone and shoot me a message. We can come up with details then. You can invite C.C. there as your witness since I don’t think anyone but she, Suzaku and I know you’re still alive.” ****  
** **

Lelouch stumbled a few steps backwards, his entire face reddening. “But— I— Nunnally— What even— Are you— Just what—” ****  
** **

Nunnally chuckled at her brother for a while before deciding he should inform him of her intentions. “I am serious about it, by the way. I know you love him with your whole heart and I think it could make you both happy. If you ever want to propose to him, I will fully support you and help you in all the ways I can should you overcome your pride and decide you want help.” ****  
** **

Lelouch smiled at her and hugged her. “I’ll keep that in mind. Have a safe trip home. Please tell me Jeremiah is waiting for you somewhere there.” ****  
** **

“He is waiting for me somewhere there. In fact, I think he’s been waiting for me somewhere there for hours”, she replied, smiling as though she hadn’t just said that. Then she waved her goodbyes and started wheeling towards the place she knew Jeremiah was waiting for her at.  ****  
** **

Nunnally thought about the day and everything she’d found out, her smile never once leaving her face. Her brother was alive and happy, Suzaku was happy, and they were dating each other. They even had a cat to take care of. And so she knew she could truly be happy again as well. There was no longer any reason to let the memory of her dying brother stop her from smiling and laughing with her entire heart, from finding her own long-lost happiness again. After all, while the memory was real, her brother wasn’t dead anymore, and she could now dismiss the memory and let go feeling no guilt.  ****  
** **

And, if her smile didn’t fade from her face even by the time she was eating supper and thus caused Gino, Jeremiah, and Cécile to ask her what in the world could have made her so happy on her visit, she answered none of them and merely kept on smiling.  ****  
** **

At last, the Empress of the Holy Britannian Empire was truly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, the reason I kept mentioning heliotropes and the colour purple being a theme in their house is that heliotropes symbolise eternal love and they're purple and lilac — thus they remind both Suzaku and Lelouch of love now. Heliotropes are also one of the flowers that Lelouch had in his garden for Suzaku in NTFFY. 
> 
> Palamedes the cat got his name from one of the Knights of the Round Table. I thought it'd be fitting since we have Tristan, Arthur, Gawain, Lancelot, Galahad, and Mordred in the canon series. Arthur isn't here because I'm pretty sure he was an adult by the time he's introduced in the TV series, and this takes place 14 years later. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading! 
> 
> I love reading your comments so feel free to comment your thoughts on this.
> 
> And again, I still have no new ideas so do send me prompts for this series.


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